Missionary Madness

Mom and Papa's latest missionary report is pure comedy. Enjoy! I know I did!!!
------------------------

Hello everybody, even the spoiled lucky ducks that got to go to Aspen!

The work here is going......somewhere.......we are pretty clueless
about exactly what we as a couple are supposed to accomplish but we
are meeting a lot of people, driving a lot and seeing a lot of trees.

We are surprised and amazed by lots of things here, I probably won't
write about them because I might sound like a terrible snob and I'm
not. But we can't help noticing!
I'll just write about the nice things. Except for this one thing. WE
GOT A DOOR SLAMMED IN OUR FACES! First time, just last week.
Actually, we got a good laugh out of it. Of course you know me, I can
laugh about just about anything. We knocked on the door, a woman
answered, we mentioned who we are, she waved her hands around and said
I don't want you around here and slammed the door (we were very glad
she didn't have any dogs, just a confederate flag in her front yard)
The best part was Ruben, He yelled through the door "I have a
question" She yelled back, "what is it" He answered "what are you
going to do with that huge pile of forest refuse that is piled out
here in front of your house?" she yelled back "burn it I quess". At
least she was polite enough to answer his question. We didn't dust
our feet. I'll bet you are amazed by our christianity!

People who join the church here seem to have incredibly thin skins.
When we chat with them we ask about their baptisms and the
missionaries who taught them and they always have warm feelings about
those two things. Then they usually volunteer why them don't come any
more and wow! They need to toughen up, maybe they thought we were all
nicer than we really are. If you have any new members in your wards
don't ask them if they are pregnant, don't suggest that after a year
in Gospel Principles they might like to move to Gospel doctrine, don't
inform a woman planning to go to the temple to do baptisms for the
dead that she would feel more comfortable wearing a dress to the
temple, make sure to show up immediately after a tornado to clean up
the yard of one of your home teaching families even if you don't know
they were affected by the tornado and they live 25 miles from you,
(they shouldn't have to call you dummy, you should know!) This list
does not include "blacks and the priesthood" Or being "antied" by
their families and baptist neighbors. Also how is this for a
scenario, four or five sisters in our gospel principles class today
having a lesson on the blessings of the Temple, including sealings,
when all of them have children and none of them have ever been married
and some are at this time living with significant others! Oh! So many
chances to offend, it is a mine field out here folks and we love it!
You all know I have never been very good at hiding my thoughts and
feelings about most any subject, I'M LEARNING! (aha! you say, maybe
that is why she's there. Maybe you are right)

We had a baptism yesterday of a great young man, an african american
breakdancer! He is so excited about the gospel, you can't help but
love him. After his baptism yesterday he went out and bought a white
shirt, pull over sweater and black slacks so as to be properly dressed
for his conformation today. It was heart warming. Then at Sacrament
meeting none of the speakers showed up so the bishop got up and told
us about his favorite hymn and bore his testimony about why it's his
favorite and then invited the ward members to do the same. I honestly
have never been in a more Spirit filled meeting. At the end the new
member came up and bore his testimony, His elders stood on each side
of him to support him and we ended with Praise to the Man. WOW! NOT A
DRY EYE IN THE PLACE.

Today after the block we had a short meeting with the Bishop to see if
he had any assignments for us. Number one, try to meet with one of
the new lesbian members of the ward (she recently moved here) and see
if she will come in to meet with him, two, get two of those outdoor
things that you put out your cigarettes in before coming into the
church, three, find an answering machine for the very old fashioned
telephone in the bishops office, four, try to find some material to
stick on the bottom of the font to show the baptizer and the baptizee
where to stand and the final request, " Ruben I have permission from
the mission president for you to act as Ward Mission Leader! This
after Rubens joint priesthood lesson in Priesthood meeting today on
ward responsibilities for missionary work!

"The Gospel is true, God lives, as does Jesus Christ, who atoned for
our sins, Joseph is a Prophet of God as is President Thomas S.
Monson. We love you all and appreciate your prayers and support and
miss you all everyday! In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Write to us! Scott sent us snail mail and we hung it on the wall for
art! E-mails would be great too!

Love, Elder and Sister Garnica